In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
