Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
i think i just lost a toe
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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