Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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