No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
