YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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