is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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