I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize
