I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
