I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
