I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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