fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
