So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
