Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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