saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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