Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
