We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
