I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
