P.S. I can't hear my feet
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
