but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
