I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
