I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
i now understand why vodka
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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