This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
being pregnant is like rehab
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
