her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Randomize
