Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
