remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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