At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
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i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
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Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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