walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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