Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
