Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
