bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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