Yo dont text me then not text me
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
