the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
