Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
