I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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