Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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