Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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