she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
This is classic penis vs brain.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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