I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
