its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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