dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
