i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
