Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Randomize
