Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
