i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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