Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
