I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
