I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
