I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
