How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize