I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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