Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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