I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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