Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
