at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize