hotel room ftw
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
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I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
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I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness