Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
